


It's Not too Late It's Never too Late

by Archaeodigit_dima



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Ash is still shaky, Ash redemption arc, Canon Divergent, Katrina wants to find Lorca and knows who to ask, M/M, Tilly is gonna kick butt and she is awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archaeodigit_dima/pseuds/Archaeodigit_dima
Summary: Ash trying to find his place in Star fleet again but is having trouble finding it. Tilly helps to bring him back to who he was. Ash worries about where the Prime Lorca is, he knows what he could be feeling and wants to find him.Thats where things get interesting.





	1. You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive

I didn't agree with Katrina’s decision to place the Emperor in command of the ship. From what I had heard from the rest of the crew, she was a mass murderer, a woman who had committed genocide multiple times. Having had the experience of VOQ being part of me, I was intimately aware of how the mind of a genocidal person works. It had scarred me deeply. VOQ had been solely focused on destroying those who would threaten his people. The woman who now sat in the captain’s chair held those same beliefs, destroy all those who would “threaten” the survival of the Terran species.

Why would anyone think she would be a suitable candidate to be in command of the only ship in the fleet with spore drive technology? She could be anywhere she wants without any other ship in the felt to stop her. She didn’t have any knowledge of starfleet ideals and yet she was the one placed in command. 

Then there was the fact that no one even questioned where the Lorca of this universe even was; it seemed like no one cared for what really mattered. I could imagine him being held somewhere; like I had been, held up trying to keep himself alive. I knew that the admiral believed that no one could survive for so long in the mirror verse on his own. Yet I had this feeling that if the Lorca of the mirror verse could stick it out so well here, there was glimmer of hope that the same could be said of Gabriel Lorca of this universe. I knew that my mind had been destroyed and messed with by the Klingons but I couldn’t be the only who was thinking this. Or maybe I was. 

Yet I had no one I could talk to about this. I had burned every single bridge I had her when I stopped fighting against Voq. I had let Hugh die because I stopped fighting … no I had killed him. I had let that happen, it was my fault. I let everyone down and Hugh paid for that with his life. Michael wouldn’t even look at me now. Not that I blamed her, Voq in our - no my body - tried to kill her and almost succeeded. I couldn’t blame her for how she felt for that betrayal. Only Tilly seemed to be able to see me for who I am. The chance to be Captain had given her such a new confidence that emminated through her. 

I wanted to do something to help, to understand what was happening but here I was stuck in my quarters till they figured out what to do with me. It would probably be experiment on me, make sure I am no long volatile and then ship me off to somewhere isolated where I could do no more harm. Just the existence to make me want to die.

I slid down a wall in the corner of my room, pulling in on myself. I was tired of imagining the worse that they could dish out.

“Ash,” came te cheerful yet cautious voice of Tilly. She had taken to coming and visiting me lately. She came with teas and cookies in her hand and a small bag. “Ash what are you doing on the floor?”  
“Umm?” I began but then realized I didn’t have any usable excuse. “I am moping.”  
“Well at least you are being honest with yourself.”

Tilly gave me a highly disapproving look, which prompt me to get up off my ass and go and meet her on the couch. She laid out the tea and cookies on a nearby table letting me grab what I wanted. We sat in silence for a while as we both muted o the cookies. After a long silence Tilly spoke up. 

“As what were you moping about?” Her voice was soft and full of concern.  
“Nothing don’t worry about it,” I responded.  
“Don’t give me that,” Tilly said turning to face me. Her face held an expression somewhere between concern and wanting to hit me upside the head. “What is worrying you? And don’t lie to me.”

I took a deep breath knowing that she wouldn’t let it rest until she got an answer, one that she believed was the truth.

“I don’t agree with what is happening with this ship,” I conceded. “Why is the emperor, that mass murderer in charge of this ship? She stands for genocide; she is the opposite of all that is starfleet, yet she is in charge. We believed everything she said without hesitation, without any hard evidence. We are not only giving her quarter we are in powering her. It makes me feel uneasy. At any moment she could take us back to the mirror universe.”  
“It doesn’t seem right,” Tilly agreed looking down, staring into her tea intently. 

From her expression I could tell that she had been thinking about the same things. It wasn’t something that was easy for any of us to deal with. The captain we knew was dead and not the person we thought they were. Then the person who replaced them is worse that than the enemy we just took out. 

“What will happen if we turns against us?” Tilly asked quietly. The Tilly I knew reappearing for a moment. “Will Michael fall in line behind her? Will the entire ship? Will the federation? I can’t believe that they would. This universe is so much different than the mirror one. We are all such different people. I am not that murderer I had to pretend to be. That Gregeriou can’t be the woman that Michael and Saru idolized so much. I will not let myself believe it.”

I looked over at Tilly she had the confidence that the mirror verse had given her, but this was different. When we were on the other side, she has a ruthless edge. Confidence without mercy or remorse. The confidence I saw was not tempered with cruelty but with compassion. She cared about this and was going to fight to make sure that what was right would happen. It gave me a sense a comfort that I hadn’t felt in so long. 

“We have to make sure that this ship and our crewmates are safe. If no one else is going to, then it will have to be us,” I said looking at Tilly as I did. 

She smiled warmly, nodding in agreement. Here we had an understanding, here we had agreement. We sat there together leaning back knowing that we at least had each other. We talked and laughed over silly things for a while before I heard a rather loud and disgruntled mmrp coming from the tote bag that was sitting next to Tilly’s feet. 

“Oh crap,” Tilly exclaimed as she dived into the bag. “I forget. I am so silly.”

I sat there it complete confusion over the sound come from her bag and her reaction. I watched as she carefully pulled the bag into her lap and looked inside. Then placing both hands into the bag she pulled out a brown fluff ball that I had seen many times on Lorca’s desk or sitting on his shoulder or lap. 

“Merkin,” I said softly as I held my hands out for him.  
“I didn’t know who else to go to take care of him,” Tilly said as she handed the tribble over to me. “I would take him but I have discovered I am rather allergic to his fur making me sneezing and snore far too much. I thought you might want to look after him.”  
“Of course I take care of this little guy,” I replied as if the fact that Merkin had already nestled himself into my hand purring rather loudly gave me much of a choice.  
“He really seems to like you,” Tilly commented. “He never purred like that with me. Then again I kept having sneezing fits so kind of makes sense.”  
“That would probably do it.”


	2. I'd rather be faceless than ignored Than be in the in-crowd desperate for A way to fit in just a little more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cornwall has a proposal

A few weeks passed by. I had been awaiting some kind of tribunal or at least an escort off the ship to a colony in the far reaches of Federation space; but that never came. Instead I had a visit from Admiral Katrina Cornwall. The last person I was expecting to come and see me. 

“Admiral,” I said startled as I saw who stood on the other side of my quarters sliding door.  
“Lieutenant,” she responded. “May I come in?”  
“Yeah sure,” I mumbled worried about what this could possibly be about. “Would you like some tea or coffee?”  
“Coffee please.”

I walked over to the food replicator and produced two coffee like drinks. They never seemed to be able to eat coffee right - there was always something off, yet the caffeine was still present so it did the trick. I handed the subpar coffee over to Cornwall, who took it with a quiet thanks. I sat down in a chair far from where she was sitting. There followed an awkward silence I kept my eyes down but I could feel Katrina’s on me. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat under her gaze hoping that she would tell me soon why she was here. 

“Mmrp,” Merkin made a noise from the table in front of me, breaking the painful silence. 

Silently I picked up the tribble and held him close. He nestled into my grip and began to purr.

“Is that Merkin?” Katrina spoke loudly her voice full of curiosity.   
“Yeah,” I responded. “How do you know his name?”  
“I gave him to Gabriel after the - the Buran,” the smile that had been on her face disappeared. Her expression was pained by the memory of Lorca and giving him Merkin. Her eyes began to water as emotion took over.  
“Tilly asked if I could take care of him now since she is allergic to the little guys fur. I hope that is okay, unless you want to take him,” I offered. I didn’t want to be taking something that was a personal gift between her and Lorca. I knew that they had a pass together and this whole incident had caused her a lot of pain.   
“No no … you can keep him,” Katrina wipe at her eyes. “I am glad someone is taking care of him. I had wondered what happened to the little guy. Do you mind if I hold Merkin for a bit?”

She extended her hands towards me. I gently handed over Merkin to her, he protested slightly at being moved around but quieted down was he was stationary once again. A smile spread across Katrina’s face, it soften her features making her look younger. It was the first time I had seen her relaxed, or smile for that matter. Actually smile not that tight lipped I am five seconds away from kicking your ass smile she was very good at putting on. She moved her hands through Merkin’s fur, for a while before she continued.

“Ash I know that you are wondering why I am here. Most likely you are wondering why we haven’t really done anything since discovering what the Klingons did to you.”

I froze at what she was saying. I tried to stay grounded in the room, but flashing from the past ten months, the fake memories, killing Dr Culber - Hugh - and everything else overwhelmed me. I had been wondering, waiting for them to take me away but it being said aloud was more than I could deal with. My breathing became ragged and once I realized that I closed my eyes and pulled my legs up to my chest. Yes she was an admiral but all dignity I had left long ago, this wasn’t really something to worry about by comparison.   
Once I had calmed down I was able to look up again at the admiral. I was expecting to find disgust colouring her face. But what I found surprised me, there was sympathy and compassion there. Not an ounce of disgust or anger. 

“Ash I know it has been hard for you,” she began her voice quiet and soothing. “Everything with the Klingons did nothing to help you. I know you also became close to Gabriel during your time on this ship. Even if it was the Lorca from the other universe it would still hurt his loss. I understand that pain and loss.”

I nodded not trusting my voice.

“It is understandable and I don’t want to send you to a colony planet or to a science vessel to be studied. But if that is what you want I will make it happen. Although I have another option if you would like to hear it.”  
“Yes,” I was curious as to what the other option was.   
“We have found reports of a man matching the description of Gabriel Lorca being on a prison planet just outside of federation space,” Katrina stated. I immediately straighten up. “Since we know that the Terran Lorca is dead we have to assume that this man is our univere’s Lorca. Officially I can’t send anyone to go after him, never mind order someone to go after him. If someone should volunteer I could allow a small group to go after him.”   
“Are you offering to let me go after him?” I asked cautiously.  
“Would you want to? Remember he is not the same person that you knew. He won’t know you and may even be suspicious of you.”  
“I just know how he may feel,” I started looking down. “He knows no thinks he is missing and that they aren’t looking for him. I want to find him to tell him and show him someone does care. Like the Terran Lorca did for me. I have to repay that favour.”

Katrina nodded. 

“Once we have more information we can have a debrief with the team of your choice. When I say team I mean you, me and one other person,” Katrina stated. “What did you think I would be sitting this one out?”  
“Well yes since you are an admiral I assumed you have other duties so you couldn’t go.”  
“One of the perks of being an admiral you can choose that you think a mission is important and there very few people superior to you who can stop you.”  
“Fair point.”  
“You have approximately three days to find your extra teammate to help in this mission. Remember I can’t order them to come with us.”  
“I understand, I will let you know when I have that person.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any ideas give me a shout in the comments or on my tumblr : archaeologydigit.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> any ideas let me know on my tumblr: archaeologydigit


End file.
